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Name:
the jokemeister
Date:
18 December 2002

Joke

What is a frogs favorite sport? Fly fishing


Name:
the jokemeister
Date:
18 December 2002

Joke

Why couldn't batman go fishing? Robin ate all the worms


Name:
the jokemeister
Date:
18 December 2002

Joke

what do sea monsters eat? fish and ships


Name:
the jokemeister
Date:
18 December 2002

Joke

What did one sardine say to another sardine when he saw a submerine? look a can of people!


Name:
the jokemeister
Date:
18 December 2002

Joke

A duck walks into a bar and asks "got any quackers?" the bar tender says "no" .The next day he walks into the same bar and asks "got any quackers?" the bar tender says no, but if you come in here again i'll staple you'r feet to the floor!" the next day the duck walks into the bar and asks "got any staples?" the bartender says "no" then he asks "got any quackers?"


Name:
Tim Loner
Date:
17 December 2002

Joke

Three men are going to jail for ten years.On the way aguard stops them and says.Whatever you whant now we'll for the next ten years.So the first bloke said whiskey.Second bloke said dancers.The third bloke said fags.Ten Years later the first bloke came out drunk.Second bloke came out really happy.The third bloke said to the guard...Got a light.


Name:
Tricky  Micky
Date:
16 December 2002

Joke

A man had 6 sauages 12 rasher's of bacon on a barn cake. At lunch time he had 5 gammon steak's. For his evening meal he had 8 pork chops for his supper he had 16 slices of ham on bread His wife told him if he diden't stop eating as he was he'd turn into a right FAT PIG


Name:
davidhall36@hotmail.com
Date:
15 December 2002

Joke

What is the Fastest fish on the whole entire planet?

A MOTOR PIKE


Name:
leicester_fan_4_ever@hotmail.com
Date:
14 December 2002

Joke

What is the fastest fish in a lake?................A go-carp!!!


Name:
bilesben@aol.com
Date:
10 December 2002

Joke

what do you call a fly with no wings?-a walk!!


Name:
mocksie
Date:
10 December 2002

Joke

what's orange, and looks like an orange? - an orange!!!!


Name:
stevieb
Date:
04 December 2002

Joke

Q: What do you call a Deer with no eyes? A: No I Deer Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes? A: Fsh

Sorry :))


Name:
mookie
Date:
04 December 2002

Joke

Heres a good un for ye.... An American in New York sick to death of the hassle living there ...decided to buy a ranch in Alaska...miles from anywhere....sfter 6 months there was a knock on the door 'Howday neighbour ' a huge bearded bloke was standing at the door..'just thought l would invite you to my Christmas party as l live 40 miles from here' yes thanks replied the man....just as he turned away the Bearded man said 'theres gonna be some serious drinkin' dont mind that man replied...also gonna be some fightin' great l can handle myself....also theres gonna be some wild sex...brilliant said the man l will be there......oh by the way said the bearded man.....theres only you an me !!!!!!!!...lol


Name:
nathan@skaterdude.co.uk
Date:
22 November 2002

Joke

wot did tha pike say to the little roach in front of him ? run run its dinner time


Name:
nathan@skaterdude.co.uk
Date:
22 November 2002

Joke

what did the chicken say to the guy fishing?

caught any thing? he says no, so he pulls out his rod , and turns out hes been sat there for 4 hours with no bait on the hook


Name:
nathan@skaterdude.co.uk
Date:
22 November 2002

Joke

what did the chicken say to the guy fishing?

caught any thing? he says no, so he pulls out his rod , and turns out hes been sat there for 4 hours with no bait on the hook


Name:
Tricky  Micky
Date:
22 November 2002

Joke

2 Cannibal's looking for somone to eat when 2 missionary's went passed on bike's O look the first cannibal say's to his mate MAELS ON WHEEL'S


Name:
GAZZA
Date:
21 November 2002

Joke

a young lad called simon appearing on stars in there eyes,mathew kelly says youve got a story to tell us havent you simon,yes he replied,i should have been on this show last year,but on my way here we had a car accident,what happened was my uncle was driving ,a car pulled out on us,my uncle died on impact,i lost my arm,left leg,puntured my lungs,and my heart,was not in good condition,so the hospital put my uncles arm,leg,lungs,and heart onto me,and here i am today,what an amazing but tragic story, said mathew,so simon who are you going to be tonight,well tonight mathew im going to be simon and half uncle.


Name:
Tricky  Micky
Date:
21 November 2002

Joke

Pat & Mick where walking down the side of a river when thay see 2 men with a big bag of Salmon How did you get all them ? Pat asked well said one of the men we go to the bridge I get hold ofmy mate's legs & put him over the bridge & when he see a salmon passing he shout's & I them pull him up O say's Pat as the 2 men go off Pat tell's Mick we will have a go so P at get's hold of Mick's leg's & puts him over the bridge & tell's Mick don't forget to shout me when you grab the salmon right right says' Mick Im not thick so an hour passes can you see a salmon Pat ask's Mick no nothing then he shout's Pat pull me up Pat pull me up.Why ask's Pat have you got a salmon NO he shout's But there's a bleeding train comming


Name:
gazz
Date:
21 November 2002

Joke

where do fish go to get their chips? to the fish and chip shop


Name:
Tricky  Micky
Date:
21 November 2002

Joke

Where dose Saddam Hussein keep his C D's ????? IN IRAQ


Name:
Goodsir's Gash
Date:
18 November 2002

Joke

Two men are walking through a field when they see a great big hole. They look down this hole but can't see the bottom of it. The first man picks up a stone and drops it down.He hears nothing. The second man picks up a house brick and drops that down.He hears nothing. Then they both see a HUGE boulder, and together they pick it up and drop that down.They hear nothing. Next thing they know, a goat comes running through the field and jumps down the hole. A farmer comes along and asks the lads if they have seen his goat.They both reply "Yes.It jumped down that hole".The farmer replies "Thats impossible".The 2 lads ask "Why?".Because it was tied to a great huge boulder replied the farmer.


Name:
Tricky  Micky
Date:
18 November 2002

Joke

A man went into a bar in Irland & ask's wot is the fastest way to Cork? the bar tender asks by car or walking? He tells him by car the bar tender say's well that's the fastest way then


Name:
Granjuiceymoose
Date:
14 November 2002

Joke

I had a dream last night that i was eating a giant marsh mallow

Woke up in the morning and my pillow had dissapeared.


Name:
Tricky  Micky
Date:
13 November 2002

Joke

A man walk's into a bar knok's himself out


Name:
norm
Date:
11 November 2002

Joke

Two snowmen standing in a field, one snowman said to the other "can you smell carrots"


Name:
james sayle
Date:
31 October 2002

Joke

There was 2 bream swimming past a pike, one of the fish said look at that pike its smaller than us, so they went over to the pike and said why are you so small. The pike said "Im a baby jack pike not a pike". the 2 fish started laughing at the pike and started calling him names like jack pike and im scared its a jack pike oh no. So the pike went up to the 2 fish and said "I was a jack pike but not for longer, before they relised what he ment the jack pike ate them hole. But then a 20lb pike ate him.

the end


Name:
Haza
Date:
29 October 2002

Joke

"Your father's an expert on fishing, is he?" "That's right, the day before he goes he can tell you exactly were the fish will be biting. Then the day after he can tell you exactly why they weren't."


Name:
PERCH MASTER
Date:
29 October 2002

Joke

WOT DID THE RUDD SAY TO THE OTHER RUDD WHEN THE FIRST ONE WAS BEING ATTACKED BY A PIKE? "RUDDY HELL"!


Name:
diego
Date:
28 October 2002

Joke

a teacher asked what a parasite is a pupil said 'a parasite is a person who depends on other people',and another said' a parasite is you because depend on far answers'


Name:
Lloyd Morgan (south wales)
Date:
22 October 2002

Joke

Two men are fishing when the one notices a funeral procession on the bridge. The 1 man carrys on fishing but the other takes off his hat and bows. "i didnt know you had it in you the" the man says, he replied "well i thought i'd make the effort i was married to her for 40 years


Name:
Mowceegirl
Date:
22 October 2002

Joke

http://www.sunbelt-software.com/stu/eye.htm

after you get to this site run your mouse over the eye. kinda scary and funny


Name:
DJ's
Date:
21 October 2002

Joke

A man walks into a Bar!

Ouch!!!


Name:
Brian Barnes
Date:
19 October 2002

Joke

Dum and Dummer

Dum and Dummer were roughing in a house when Dummer sees Dum throwing away half the nails.

"Hold it!", says Dummer."Why are you throwing all those nails away?" "Because.", says Dum. "The heads are on the wrong end."

"You dummy!", replies Dummer... they are not." Those are just for the other side of the house!"


Name:
stupidmelon@boltblue.com
Date:
17 October 2002

Joke

what phrase do cool fishermen say? keep it reel


Name:
Marky Mark
Date:
16 October 2002

Joke

When does Saddam Hussein have his dinner? When Tariq Aziz!


Name:
Tricky  Micky
Date:
10 October 2002

Joke

2 old men walking down a road thay see a frog so the first man pick's it up the frog say's to him give me a BIG kiss & I will turn into a young princess so the man put's the frog in his pocket his mate say's why did you not kiss the frog he asked? He reply's at my time of life I would rather have a talking frog


Name:
anon
Date:
08 October 2002

Joke

After having their 10th child, a couple now living in Rugby decided that that was enough. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor told the man that he was to go home, get a cherry bomb, put it in a can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The husband said to the doctor "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a can next to my ear is going to help me."

So the couple drove to Coventry to get a second opinion. The doctor was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he also told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, place it in a tin can, hold it next to his ear and count to 10.

Figuring that both doctors couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5..." at which point he paused, put the can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

 


Name:
Brian.B
Date:
08 October 2002

Joke

A young executive was leaving the office at 6pm when he found the Managing Director standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in hand.

"Listen," said the Managing Director, "this is important, and my secretary has left.Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the Managing Director as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."


Name:
Brian.B
Date:
08 October 2002

Joke

Two cannibals meet one day...

The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender Missionary. I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. Just can't seem to get them tender."

The second cannibal asks, "What kind of Missionary do you use?"

The reply, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around their waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads."

"Ah, Ha!" the second cannibal replies, "No wonder--those are fryers!"


Name:
Digger Barnes
Date:
08 October 2002

Joke

This is an actual radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations, 10-10-95, MSG#H0000115020ecb52EMHS

#1: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision." #2: "Recommend that you change YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision."

#1: "This is the captain of a U.S. navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course." #2: "No, I say again divert YOUR course."

#1: "This is the aircraft carrier Enterprise, we are a large warship of the U.S. navy. Divert your course NOW!" #2: "This is a lighthouse. Your call?"

 


Name:
aaronpeace1@aol,com
Date:
08 October 2002

Joke

there were two angerlers who went fishing with each other for 20 years one day one of them never turned up.so the next day the man asked his mate where was he. he said "i got married but the bloody women cant cook,wash the pots or even hoover up" so the other man said "why marrie her then" the other man said "because she has got worms."


Name:
Brian Barnes
Date:
07 October 2002

Joke

A woman in her 90's is distraught after the death of her warm, caring, faithful husband of seventy years. She can't live without him and decides that the best way to do herself in is to stab herself in her pitifully broken heart. Still, she doesn't want to linger so she calls a doctor to find out exactly where the heart is.

He tells her to put her first two fingers together, hold them horizontally and place the tip of the first finger just below her left nipple. The heart, he says, is immediately below the first knuckle on her second finger.

Later that day, the doctor is called to the emergency room to put fourteen stitches in the elderly woman's left thigh.


Name:
Brian Barnes(FishKingUK)
Date:
07 October 2002

Joke

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, an hook, and an eye patch.

The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept over board into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."

"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords when one of the enemy cut my hand off."

"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye.", replied the pirate. "You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked increduously.

"Well...", said the pirate, "..it was also my first day with the hook."

 


Name:
Mini Me
Date:
05 October 2002

Joke

Two birds sat on a perch, one said 'can you smell fish?'


Name:
brian
Date:
05 October 2002

Joke

Gorilla on the Roof

As he was quietly watching television at home, a chap hears a sound on the roof of his house and rushes out to investigate. Seeing it was a fair sized gorilla tearing the tiles off his home he promptly calls up the local zoo authorities to inform them one of their animals had escaped. He is reassured that a gorilla recovery unit is on the way and is told to remain calm.

A few minutes later, an old beat up truck, displaying the Gorilla recovery unit logo on its panels, pulls up to the house. The elderly driver proceed to recover from the back of the truck, a chihuaha dog, a pair of handcuffs, a ladder, a baseball bat and a 12 gauge shotgun.

Puzzled on how this lone elderly was to solve the problem of this gorilla who had by now torn half the roof apart, the chap ask him how he will go about doing this.

As he hands him over the .12 gauge shotgun, the zoo employee explains the plan:

- First I'll climb up there with the ladder; - Then I approach the gorilla and knock him off the roof using the baseball bat; - As soon as the gorilla hits the ground, the specially trained chihuaha dog will attack its private parts; - When I get back on the ground, the gorilla will have lowered it's hands to it's groin area to protect itself thus making it easy for me to slip on the handcuffs; - Then, I lead him to the truck, lock him up and take him back to the zoo...

Amazed at the procedure, the somewhat startled house owner, 'asks why he was handed the 12 gauge shotgun?

"Well... " explains the experienced gorilla retriever, It's just a precaution should thing not go exactly as planned. In the unlikely event that once on the roof the gorilla knocks me off with the baseball bat -

Shoot the dog...


Name:
brian
Date:
05 October 2002

Joke

Gorilla on the Roof

As he was quietly watching television at home, a chap hears a sound on the roof of his house and rushes out to investigate. Seeing it was a fair sized gorilla tearing the shingles off his home he promptly calls up the local zoo authorities to inform them one of their animals had escaped. He is reassured that a gorilla recovery unit is on the way and is told to remain calm.

A few minutes later, an old beat up truck, displaying the Gorilla recovery unit logo on its panels, pulls up to the house. The elderly driver proceed to recover from the back of the truck, a chihuaha dog, a pair of handcuffs, a ladder, a baseball bat and a 12 gauge shotgun.

Puzzled on how this lone elderly was to solve the problem of this gorilla who had by now torn half the roof apart, the chap ask him how he will go about doing this.

As he hands him over the .12 gauge shotgun, the zoo employee explains the plan:

- First I'll climb up there with the ladder; - Then I approach the gorilla and knock him off the roof using the baseball bat; - As soon as the gorilla hits the ground, the specially trained chihuaha dog will attack its private parts; - When I get back on the ground, the gorilla will have lowered it's hands to it's groin area to protect itself thus making it easy for me to slip on the handcuffs; - Then, I lead him to the truck, lock him up and take him back to the zoo...

Amazed at the procedure, the somewhat startled house owner, 'asks why he was handed the 12 gauge shotgun?

"Well... " explains the experienced gorilla retriever, It's just a precaution should thing not go exactly as planned. In the unlikely event that once on the roof the gorilla knocks me off with the baseball bat -

Shoot the dog...


Name:
anon
Date:
05 October 2002

Joke

Reasons Dogs Are Better Than Women

Dogs don't cry. Dogs love it when your friends come over. A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink. Dogs don't care if you play with other dogs. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name. Dogs are excited by rough play. Dogs love red meat. Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it. A dog's disposition stays the same all month long. A dog's parents never visit. Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions. Dogs know that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted. When a dog gets old and starts to snap at you incessantly, you can shoot it. Dogs don't hate their bodies. No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across. Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you ever had. Dogs like to do their snooping outside as opposed to in your wallet, desk, and the back of your sock drawer. Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger dinner than lobster. You never have to wait for a dog. They're ready to go 24 hours a day. Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry. Dogs don't borrow your shirts. Dogs never want foot-rubs. Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.


Name:
TANKUS
Date:
02 October 2002

Joke

a man goes to the fair wanting to hook a duck so he can get a fish. the man gives the women the pound and hooks a duck and ask for a fish, the women said OK. As the man is going home the bags starts to leak and all of a the bag busted. the man picks up the fish and runs to the river and puts it in. When the man goes home, hes dieing for a drink and so the man turns the tap on and gets a drink. HAVE A GUESS WHAT COMES OUT OF THE TAP? WATER


Name:
Brian Barnes(FishKingUK)
Date:
28 September 2002

Joke

There were these three Eskimos in Alaska, and one time while they were at their local bar, they got to talking about how cold it was outside, and how cold their igloos were. They could agree on everything but whose igloo was the coldest, so they decided to determine who, indeed, had the coldest igloo. They went to the first Eskimo's igloo, where he said "Watch this!" and poured a cup of water into the air. Well, the water froze in mid-air and fell onto the floor. "Not bad" said the other Eskimos, but each maintained their igloo was colder still. So they went to the second Eskimo's igloo, and he said "Watch this!" and took a big breath and exhaled, whereupon his breath froze into a big lump and fell to the floor. "Wow, that's colder than mine!" said the first Eskimo. But the third Eskimo exclaimed his was colder still. So they ended up at the third Eskimo's igloo. He said "Watch this!" and went into the bedroom, threw back the thick furs, and retrieved one of several small balls of ice there. He took it, put it in a spoon, and held a match under it. When it heated up enough, it went "FFFAAAARRRRTTT". He won!


Name:
Brian Barnes
Date:
27 September 2002

Joke

Once upon at time there were three Moles.

There was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country. The papa mole reached his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmmm, I smell sausage. The mama mole reached her head outside of the hole and said, "Mmmmmm, I smell pancakes." The baby mole tried to reach his head outside the hole but couldn't because of the two bigger moles.

The baby mole said, "The only thing I can smell is molasses!"

 


Name:
Brian Barnes(FishKingUK)
Date:
27 September 2002

Joke

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.

As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"

The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"

The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:

"A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."


Name:
Brian Barnes
Date:
25 September 2002

Joke

The most successful lawyer in town had never made a contribution to the Red Cross. The chairman of the Red Cross, Mr. Wilson, called on the lawyer, hoping to convince him to make a donation.

"You made over 400,000 last year but you haven't given anything back to the community. How do you reconcile that?"

The lawyer sighed, leaned forward and said, "If you only knew...

My mother is terminally ill; her medical bills far exceed her income. My brother is a disabled veteran, blind and in a wheelchair. My sister is raising three children alone since her husband died in an auto accident."

Mr. Wilson offered his sympathy, admitting he had no idea there were so many demands on the lawyer's profits.

The lawyer nodded and said, "Exactly... Why should I give to the Red Cross when I don't even give to my own family!"

 


Name:
Brian Barnes(FishKingUK)
Date:
25 September 2002

Joke

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

"No," says the psychic... "Next Term in her biology class."


Name:
Brian Barnes(FishKingUK)
Date:
25 September 2002

Joke

Once upon a time there was an elderly gentleman who was suffering from Alzheimer's. His wife of 40 years loved him very much, but she couldn't handle him any longer. He would wander about never knowing where he was or sometimes even who he was. She took him to a nursing home.

At the nursing home, while the wife was filling out paperwork, a nurse had the gentleman sit in a chair. Suddenly the man starting slowly leaning to his left. The nurse ran over and put a pillow on his left side to prop him up.

A few minutes later, he started leaning to his right. Again, the nurse ran over and put a pillow on his right side.

Then he starting leaning forward. This time, the nurse strapped him into the chair.

About this time, his wife, having completed the paperwork, walked up to him and asked, "How do you like the place?"

"It's okay," he said. "But, they won't let me fart!"


 

And There's more.........

Page 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5, the Corner Peg
 
 


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